Scary - II

Today you said the following phrase:

"How long have we been together?"

For a minute, I froze.

What did you mean by that? Are you insinuating we've been together? Are you refering to our friendship? ... or dare I say you're about to suggest we should be together?

"What do you mean?" is, thank God, all that came out.

"I mean today."

"Oh. For about 2 or 3 hours. Why?"

"And what did you not yet do, that you always do to me?"

...

"I don't know, hug you?" - or kiss you if I'd ever dare.

"True, but no. Even more important than that."

I couldn't say on the spot, so you gave me a minute.

Bad idea.

The last thing ringing in my head was the line you started the conversation with, and it's possible interpretations. My heart was pounding in my chest and my breath was uneasy. That's the effect these sort of lines, coming from you, have on me.

I strove to figure out what was more important to you than hugs, thinking in an emotional sense, and that just made things worse inside me.

What a relief when you finally said:

"You didn't remind me to drink water!" and that was it. A weight lifted off my shoulders.

Like I said, I DON'T WANT YOU, but I also do.

These are the moments that's made apparent. My mind reacts to the idea; my body responds to it.

Guess we just gotta learn as we go.

See you tomorrow (hopefully).