Reasoning in the closet - 1

Somebody help me!

I can smell it. It creeps into my surrounding. I laugh too hard at your jokes. Not too much, but more than average. I know what this marks the beginning of.

Someone talk me out of this!

Love is considered beautiful in every form, and forever beneficial, but that is such a lie. Anyone who's been in a relationship that didn't work can certainly convince you not all is beautiful or beneficial. I can assure you, this is one of those cases.

Someone slap me into reality!

You're weekly within the reach of my grasp, and yet desperately far from reach. You connect when I'm week and it's sweet... but it's fake. I don't want to allow myself to care, I shouldn't do so. Nevertheless, it's happening. It's as if my body were the master of itself, simply informing the brain by it's sudden temperature and chemical change that something is being birthed in my heart. I DON'T WANT IT, but I DO want it. It's too contradictory to make sense. I could, and can in dream, though. I've showed you in words and touch that I care for you, in a dream. I wished I could see that dream come to life. ... NO! I am meant to be redemption to you, and yet I begin to desire you be my corruption.

For the first time in all the history of surrenderings my heart has ever made, I agree with my mind: this IS not right; this should not happen. My brain seems to battle with my soul, though both agree that this should never be; my neck turns and looks up, as if pushing the physical trigger that pulls the thought into the mind without reason's permition or interference.

I think of you Tony.
We could never be
We should never be
You're out of my league
You'd never consider me--
-- and for good reasons.
...
            ....
                         ....
That doesn't make stop thinking of you.