It's over.

 We're done. 

I'm surprised and angry about it, as if I had some sort of authentic clame on her feelings and ties to me, to us, to what I determined to be our past. 

It's ridiculous, but they're my feelings.

I archived the chat but keep checking it every few minutes, expecting you would... no, she would send something, but no cause It's over. 

She doesn't care anymore.

Someone mentioned people don't believe in my progress and are even betting on my demise. Betting I'll go back, I'll give in, I'll restart this relationship or ...

You know what? What if I decided to just define a death date and from then on lived life however I wanted?

What if from now till that day I focused on doing only the things that I want to be remembered by, paired with the things that make me happy?

This job makes me happy but the money doesn't. So, tell them that and see if it improves, or find something better. Dice pays well but doesn't make me happy. Sharper gives me flexible hours but doesn't really make me fully happy and neither does it pay well.

The love Carol gave me made me happy, but her house, the freedom she gives the dogs and the powerlessness I felt in improving our lives together didn't.

Being alone provides me with freedom to skip chores and showers which goes easy on my depression. To not have food in the kitchen or money in the bank and not have anyone else freaking out or getting worried to provide for. But I hate the idea of being lonely.

My God...

Listen to me think.

A girl is over me and here I am discussing what makes me happy and what doesn't SO I CAN PLAN MY DEATH.

Wow.

I know I loved her I just didn't expect it could affect me that much.

Enough writing. Feelings need to be felt so I can put an end to this on my end too. 

She's done. Now it's my turn.