Flyweel

     Last week I wrote something about Life and it’s meaning...this week something changed. Yes, I was getting pretty bored with just living one day at a time – which is the wrong way to do it, but that I’ll explain in some other post – not really making any great plans, and just waiting for time to pass, so I could finaly do something for real. Even my dreams were dimming, were becoming small, or unreachable.
     This week something big happened. Small enough to not alarm anyone, big enough to change my future 
and therefore, my life!
     Father came back from this trip he was doing and brought back lots of things. That’s comon coming from father. He’s always a generous guy and gives more then he even has, to his sons, friends,and anyone who will acept it actually. So my family and I didnt expect more then usual...then the storys came. Wonderfull storys about how God is really doing something out there, and all the awesome, crazy things that happened. One of them being how he met the owner of a music school (we had never heard of this school before, but moving on). In the conversation, father spoke of João which is just like this guy’s son, and well, they became friends. This man told dad, that this school was opening scholarships and gave my dad one for my brother. Father thanked, and said he had 2 daughters who would be finishing school this year, and a son how would be finishing soon. So well, he got scholarships for all 4 of us.
     So, long story short, next year me, my sister and my brother will be on a plane to Tampa – USA to do this college. Yes a college.
     Just the idea of traveing gives me breath again, specialy if it’s to do God’s will, doing something for him, learning with him. Made me start to daydream with the future again. Made my life feel i little more interesting again. A new adventure is to take place! But as every good thing has a price, this one didn’t come cheap.
     I had plans on the year to come, to spend with my mother, and so promissed to my sister. I really wanted to go next year, but as long as I can go wen I get back, I’ll be fine, and so will they. The next thing would be my friends.
     Through out my life I’ve never had friends, or did, but never like these. To leave them, my keepers, is the same as leaving a piece of my heart behind, and if there is anything that would keep me from going to this school, it would be them. 
I wouldn't trade anything for them. This would be a problem. I spoke of this to one of my keepers, and it hurt a bit – I saw her reaction – but she encouraged me to go. Told me to do what’s best for me now. I really love her! I was very relieved that she said that. I had the impression she would be mad. But whatever. One thing she said: “Wen you come back, 3 or 4, years form now, you can come live with us, the girls.” I’d love to...but if this is the door                 God’s opened for me to go to China, I don’t know wen I’m coming back.
I really want to have them close forever, but I can’t see me with them and China all at the same time. Maybe it will be, but it’s very unlikely. In another ocasion I would give up China, but it burns in me. It’s like fullfilling what I was made to do. The idea of going gives me breath. Losing the girls takes my air away. What do I do?
     God I want you above everything else, but I dont believe you gave me these friends to just take them awaylike that?
 I don’t see you – in losing them. I believe you gave me them as life partners, so what happens to os now?