“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work" - Thomas Edison
That's not exactly what he said, and the variation is even more poweful in my opinion, but I'm lazy right now so that's what you get today."Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"- Albert Einstein
Again, might not even have been him who wrote this, but this quote has followed me my whole life.
And yet
I have been insane.
10 years ago I wrote about failed love,
wrote about longing
wrote about pain
wrote about wishing to be rescued.
Victimised myself.
And that is one of the things I try to fight the hardest,
and am the most vulnerable and ashamed about.
I am a grown up.
I am a responsible person.
I can and do take care of myself - adequately. That can be improoved.
With my mental state the way it is, I'm clearly not taking the best care of myself that I can.
Not being responsible enough.
But on a regular day, that would be an acusatory phrase.
Today, it's a spotlight on the empty space of the puzzle that is my life.
I have built a whole lot of this puzzle already, neatly following the order of corners and colors I sometimes planned for and sometimes did by instinct, but invariably landed where I am now. Self suficient. Full of friends. Close enough to my family. Dreaming of the future.
I didn't fail.
It's not over.
I am not a problem.
I just tried out a wrong piece and proved that that particular one isn't the one that fits into this whole of my life.
Yes, I'm talking about a person now.
Yes, I'm a romantic, so I am going to repeat the love stories and longing a little.
And maybe I am a little crazy.
Some people call my crazy "weird". Some, "authentic". I like them both.
This year, I'm going to chose joy.
Chose discipline.
"Do it anyway" is my mantra for the year.
I'm going to divide my year in chuncks of 3 months and stick to my habits for at least that long.
- Fixing the house
- Do 1 chore for 30 seconds. Just 1. 30 seconds and no longer.
- Working out/ Martial arts/ Sports
- Do 1 plank (preferrably first thing in the morning and last in the evening, but chill).
- Writing
- Write 1 sentence in my jornal. Any writing is writing.
- Praying
- Jesus' prayer is more than enough on a day you can't pray
- Reading and Studying
- 1 5-minute video about God, money, habits, writing, languages or finantial education will do.
- Saving money (studying finantial education)
- Better save 10 reais per day, then none by the end of the year.
- Chosing Joy.
- I will be grateful for 1 thing that happened today or yesterday.
I feel like I need a bare minimum, to give myself grace on the bad days. Those are in orange. Green is the goal.
