First and Last

 I can't forget you saying "it's never off the table for us", but while you meant it for sex, it was originally meant for love, but now, the time for that is up.

I'll be the one that got away.

I'll kiss you back with my eyes and nothing more.

I'll let you touch me, and I'll touch you back, never your mountains and never your caves, but you'll have my hands anywhere else. 

I'll love you and never tell you again. 

I'll love you for who you are and let go of what we could be. 

We both deserve more. A better fit. A TaylorMade match. But it was good while it lasted. 

I love that you still love me. And I love how much I love you. But that'll be all. 

I'm not ready for you to love another, but I am ready to start putting you back on the shelf I took you down from. 

Till death do us part:

I'll forever be your first;

And

You'll forever be my last. 

May God bless your journey and find you someone good. And may He teach us to be friends again, not negating what we lived together but strengthening the bond of friendship. 

1, 2, 3

 One

Two

Three 

Just like that

On the archived section

Of my WhatsApp chats

The one I want the most

Read and unreplied 

The one I want the least

Replied a few hours later

And the one that I let go

Replied and worried I'm not okay

Checking up on my well being.  

I hate that the one I want most doesn't miss me enough to find a way to reach out, in comparison with the ones I don't want anywhere near me. 

Almost seems like I want those I can't have

And have those I don't want. 

How twisted am I?

How unworthy? 

Linguistic dance

 - Do you speak English? 

- I do! 

- Let's go! 

Do they really though?

I'm not sure it's the language I know. 

When they choose it, it's a bold act. A step into something new, masterful, beautiful feathers on a bird who's beginning his courting dance. It's an act to attract. And I fall for it every time.

It's my mother tongue, though. 

When I chose it, it's a vulnerable act. It's honest, and deep, my soul exposed, heart laid out on my sleeve or the tip of my tongue. I feel seen in a way no one sees me. And I'm ensnared again. 

If they come in for the show and I come heart exposed, could there ever be a happy, safe outcome? Will they let go of the language when the chase is over, leaving me empty and alone in my vulnerability?