Day 193

 We fought. Again

You are always asking me to be fair.

But when I asked for the same... 

            ...somehow I became the person who didn't listen, care, pay attention to your emotions.

I give.

I take.

I can only give from what I have.

What do I have?

The irony of finding the calendar event     YOU MADE     of our imagined wedding date, while spotify played that "all my tears have been used up" from Another love, is just baffling for me.

If the universe showed good signs, he has to be showing bad ones too, right?

Am I blind? Why the FUCK do I fall back here all the time? 

Can I get better? Is it a matter of working on the relationship? How far should one yield without becoming submissive? 

I don't want to give up. Damn, I'm tired.

3 - a full circle lesson.

 The first helped me see and break the chains the bound me.

The second showed me what real love, caring love, believing fully in a another person means.

The third taught me to think further. She showed me how big society, our languages, our history, our social circles and professional choices can be. She helped me grow.

The first released my body.

The second, my heart.

The third, my mind.

I stood in awe, filled with hope and wonder as to what is yet to come.
Now, I take my leave, appreciating the journey they have lead me on and understanding that though it was good, it is not what I want.

Tried and true,
this is not for you.

Thank you and goodbye to the girls that stayed for while.

Relationships are like a rope

 Being in a relationship is like two people spinning a jump rope.

When neither has done it before, it takes some time to spin in properly.

When they fight, the jump rope becomes a tug of war rope. If either side yields too easily and they get pulled closer and closer until one of them gets to beat the other. If they each pull at the same time and don't give up don't yield in any way and the fight never ends

Typhoon

 That's exactly what you are: a typhoon.

Shaking the branches of the trees in our minds, our beliefs questioned and challenged... Not everyone can take it.

You shook me.

I was glad to shed some leaves and make room for new ones. It was always a breath of fresh air when you were around, accompanied by a whirlwind of information, criticism and advice. Sometimes you're not very nice. But you are generous, in both action and reaction, words and emotions, 

your empathy enchanted me. 

You came in a moment. Then another. Then one more. Bodies ruffled, clothes shed. 

I was your typhoon.

The force of nature that you are and the air sign creature I've become matched in ways unexpected, changing the atmosphere we inhabited. Maybe it was intoxicating. Maybe it needed time to set...

Hearts were exposed too soon. Tree trunks ruffled instead of leaves. Roots uplifted for analysis made the trees lose their control, their balance. 

Then, just as soon as she came, she left.

Here I sit, watching the last breath of her typhoon blow-dance the leaves broken off my tree of beliefs, my tree of knowledge scattered on the ground. I don't have to courage to rake them just yet. Let them sit for bit, yellow and orange tears of the dream that could have been you and I.

Just as quickly as she came, she left, bathed in sunlight, in sunset.

Goodbye, little typhoon. 

I hope someday you'll remember me.